Relationship Ramblings

Why I’m Glad We Made a Sex Tape

In the past, making a sex tape was something I never thought of doing. It’s not just because I don’t have a video recorder or knew anyone who did, but I always had the nagging fear of distrust that it would fall onto the wrong eyes.

My relationship with my lover, Parrot, is on a level that I’ve had with no other man. The level of trust between us – sexual and otherwise — is solid and implicit. I have no problem texting nude pictures of myself to him and I really enjoy our naked Skype conversations. It’s the next best thing to physically being with each other when we only see each other about once every two months.

So when Parrot said that he wanted to make a sex tape, I had to think about it for a bit. Like a lot of women, I think I look a lot better in clothes than I do with them off. But then I thought about how hot we are with each other. It would be naughty. It would be fun.

As he mentioned in his guest post, Lights, Camera … Aaaaaah!, I texted him the go-ahead: “I think we should do it.”

I had to giggle each time he set up the camera off the side of the bed, outside of the oversized shower in our B&B suite, and even on the grassy knoll where we had our dejeuner sur l’herbe overlooking Lake Sonoma. He had this sense of purposeful and joyful enthusiasm that turns me on every time he embarks on something that he’s really excited about.

The funniest thing was that as soon as the camera went on, I forgot it was there. It was like all the other times we have sex. The moment we kissed, the moment I got to feel the touch and surround of his naked body, the world around us ceased to exist. I didn’t have a chance to feel self-conscious, show off my good side, or pose for the camera.

Everything the camera captured was our genuine erotic selves – every movement, every dirty verbal thought, and every moan. There’s nothing tacky or trashy about it – it’s seductive and sensual yet wildly arousing. I even had to laugh during one of our scenes when I was screaming so loud while orgasming that he had to put a pillow over my face. Normally, he would’ve let me go on all I wanted, but it was late and we had gotten to know the couple staying in the next room at a vineyard tour.

Yes, I was that loud. I had to turn the volume down on my laptop while watching the video so that my neighbors wouldn’t hear it.

Even though I can solidly commit to memory what we did and how it felt, reliving those memories while watching them from an outside third eye is pretty damn arousing. It’s a completely different experience from watching porn because it’s us and I know how every moment of that video feels.

Now I have completely different memories than the ones in my head. Even when I’m not watching it, the scenes from the video play in my head – even when I’m working on the driest and farthest thing from sexy stuff at work. It’s a visual distraction of the best kind.

It’s also made me wonder why we hadn’t done this before.

Of course, Parrot’s already thinking of how to make the next video.