Adult Humor

Why You’re Not Having Sex

As a woman, there’s nothing creepier and unsexy than a man who uses vulgar pickup lines to break the ice.

Don’t get me wrong, I think these bad pickup lines are hilarious, but don’t use them on me or let me hear you use them on another woman.

Great legs. What time do they open?

That shirt’s very becoming on you. Of course, if I were on you I’d be coming too.

Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

Can I have your phone number? I seem to have lost mine.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past again?

Is your last name Gillette? Because you’re the best a man can get.

Did you ever realize screw rhymes with me and you?

Hey I’m looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?

My two favorite letters of the alphabet are E and Z.

I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?

I may not be able to knock bottom, but I’ll scrape the shit out of the sides!

My body is telling me yes. I hope yours is doing the same thing.

Man:Is there a magnet in your pants?
Woman: Why?
Man: Because I’m attracted to your buns of steel!

Girl, you better have a license cuz you are driving me crazy

What’s your favorite silverware because I like to spoon.

Is that a Tic-Tac in your blouse or are you just glad to see me?

The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

Woman: Excuse me, do you have the time?
Man: Do you have the energy?

You must be from Tennessee because you are the only 10 I see.

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock.

If I said you were an angel, would you treat me like the devil tonight?

Did you just get hit in the head with a baseball? Because I think you’re swell.

Do you drive a Prius? Because up until now we’ve been pre-us.

Our long term relationship starts (looks at watch)….now.

Hello, I’m bisexual. I’d like to buy you a drink…and then get sexual.

Are you a musician vampire? Because my organ is filling up with blood.